Using dating apps can sometimes feel like navigating a romantic battlefield. Even if you find someone attractive with an interesting profile, starting a conversation can be tough. You might send a clever message, only to get a lukewarm response. But don't lose hope! Keeping a conversation alive on an app, via text, in person, or through DMs involves presenting your best self and having the confidence to engage.
Feeling nervous is completely normal—small talk is a skill that gets better with practice. Knowing the right questions to ask and being willing to take a chance is key. Dr. Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist and relationship coach, suggests asking questions you genuinely want answers to. These should help you decide if you want to meet in real life, so don't hesitate to be a bit creative.
If you need tips on how to keep a conversation going or want to improve your social skills, we've gathered expert advice for you, whether you're sending that first message on a dating app or getting to know someone on a date.
- 1. Ask Engaging Questions
Instead of asking, “How long have you lived here?” which can lead to a dull answer, try something open-ended like, “What are you most excited about right now?” This reveals their passions more naturally.
- Avoid Interrogation
Don’t make your questions feel like a job interview. Too many closed questions can be off-putting. Instead, use questions that begin with “what,” “how,” “why,” or “tell me about.” For example, “Tell me about the last concert you went to,” encourages a richer conversation.
- Show Genuine Interest
Don’t dominate the conversation. Ensure you’re curious about them and ask questions about their interests, friends, work, and what they’re looking for in a partner. Balance the conversation by sharing about yourself and learning about them.
4.Stay Non-Judgmental
Avoid judging their responses, especially on sensitive topics. Exploring why they feel a certain way can lead to a deeper, healthier discussion. Respect their viewpoints, even if you disagree.
- Display Empathy
If they share something personal, respond supportively to make them feel safe. Showing empathy by acknowledging their feelings can build a stronger connection.
- Discuss Values and Goals
Ask about their long-term goals and values to ensure compatibility. Questions about their future aspirations, family, and friendships can provide insight into what’s important to them.
- 7. Plan the Next Date
If your conversation is going well, suggest meeting up. You might say, “I’d love to hear more about this in person. When are you free?” If you're already on a date, suggest planning the next one to keep the momentum.
- 8. Play a Fun Game
Engage in an ongoing game or routine that gives you a reason to chat daily. Share your “best thought of the day” to allow for vulnerability or humor.
- Keep Handy Questions
Having a list of questions ready can help if the conversation stalls. For instance:
- What are you most excited about right now?
- What is one of your happiest childhood memories?
- What do you do to practice self-care?
- What would your ideal day look like if anything was possible?
- Do you enjoy your career? Why or why not?
- What are your top three core values?
- What qualities are you looking for in a partner?
- What kind of relationship are you seeking right now?
Stay genuine, open, non-judgmental, and curious. Even if the chemistry isn’t there, each interaction is an opportunity to improve your communication skills and learn more about yourself and what you want.
